Saying Goodbye

“See you on the other side, Sis.” These were some of my brother Randy’s final words as we held each other crying, knowing we probably wouldn’t see each other again on this side of heaven. It was heartbreaking to let go of each other. I just wanted to keep him a little longer. Strange to start the New Year with such profound loss, but what a way for my brother to enter eternity: new body, no pain, no sorrow, and in the presence of his Lord.

Randy and I were five years apart and had opposite approaches to life. He was “the scrapper,” who wouldn’t be pushed around. I was the older sister, “the pleaser,” who wanted to avoid confrontation. “Live under the radar so no one would notice” was my unspoken motto.

We grew up in a neighborhood filled with children whose fathers had returned from World War II, many with physical and emotional injuries. They were hard-working men trying to get back to normal. Our dad had grown up during the Great Depression. His family moved from town to town looking for work. He moved West at 17 after graduating from a small high school in a tiny coal-mining town. To be assured he would never be poor or hungry again he educated himself and worked constantly. Our mother, an only child, had been one of the lucky few whose father always had a good job. Fear of poverty was unknown to her. With dad working a lot and mom with medical issues, we often had to fend for ourselves. My brother and I fought over everything: TV, food, control. I am embarrassed remembering all those fights.

Randy turned to drugs and alcohol at a young age and for many years we rarely saw each other. He struggled with addiction until he was 48 when he got clean and sober. I was so proud of him. He went back to school, made the Dean’s list, and started a successful business. It was a gift to have him twenty years more than I ever expected.

My brother used to say, “We’re all so broken, Sis,” and he was right. We are a broken people saved by Jesus who holds us in His mighty hand. He redeems and loves us in our broken mess. However large or small, when we offer our messy, broken lives to God, He heals and transforms us. My brother is an example of no matter how broken one is or appears to be, it is never too late to be renewed and restored.

God’s Reassurance

My last day with Randy began traumatically due to a drug incident at the hotel where I was staying. Past fears of receiving a call that my brother had died of an overdose surfaced. It completely unnerved me, and I found myself in an uncontrollable puddle of tears. I could not stop crying. Wanting to regain my composure, I decided to take a brisk walk in the old section of Placerville. I didn’t want my brother to see me in this condition.

Looking for coffee, a local sent me to Cuppa of Coffee, the town’s favorite. Waiting for me was the sweet reminder that God is near the brokenhearted. As I walked in, beautiful praise music was filling the room. Peace enveloped me, joy filled my heart, and my tears ceased. I had come full circle. From the fear of losing Randy too soon, to the reassurance of knowing he was about to be welcomed into eternity by God, our Father.

Letting go of loved ones is agonizing. Even knowing we will spend eternity with them, the human loss is enormous. I could not hold my brother here. He had two types of rare cancer. He was in pain and now just bones with a thin layer of skin. However, there was a sweetness to the privilege of being with him as he neared the end of his earthly life. I read his favorite scriptures. I was thrilled when he asked me to pray for him. We hugged and kissed each other more than ever. It was a blessing to massage his feet and rock him in his wheelchair.

He Works Through Our Brokenness

He did funny things the last few weeks, like only wanting to eat Sushi, something he had always referred to as “yesterday’s bait that was leftover.” The night before he died, he wanted food from In-n-Out burger. It was a precious time. I was able to witness the loving care of his sons, his congregation, and in particular his friend, David, who transferred him frequently from bed to wheelchair to the bathroom and back. These are rare gifts during COVID-19 when so many families cannot be with loved ones at the end of their life.

Photo: By Haragayato – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0

Kintsugi is a Japanese word meaning to join with gold or golden repair. It is a technique of repairing ceramics using gold powder mixed with lacquer to attach broken pieces or fill in cracks. This process highlights the brokenness instead of hiding it. Our God does the same. He works with and through our brokenness. God takes the cracks, scars, and pieces of our life and binds them together into something more beautiful and with greater purpose. In the hand of God, our redeemed imperfection becomes a tool to comfort and encourage others. I love this about the Lord. Christ died for our brokenness, not our perfection.

The morning Randy died, the daily devotion from his congregation was Ecclesiastes 3:1. “For everything, there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die.” An hour later, my brother entered the gates of heaven.

My heart is sorrowful but grateful.

Blessings,

Personal Parables is the blog of Dyann Shepard. Get Dyann’s complementary study in Proverbs and prayer guide, What to Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough. If you need encouragement to remember the truth about yourself in times of doubt and anxiety, this free 5-day study is for you. Follow Dyann and Personal Parables on Instagram and Facebook. Dyann is available for speaking, guest blogging, and article writing.

Scripture for Meditation

On one of our last days together, Randy asked me to read his favorite scriptures, Psalm 139 and Psalm 51. I encourage you to read these Psalms along with the Scriptures below for your meditation.

II Corinthians 4:17, 18 — For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Philippians 1:21-23 — For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better;

Revelations 7:16,17 — They shall hunger no more neither thirst anymore; neither shall the sun beat down on them, nor any heat; for the Lamb in the center of the throne shall be their “shepherd, and shall guide them to springs of the water of life, and God shall wipe every tear from their eyes.

Isaiah 64:8 — But now, LORD, you are our father. We are the clay, and you are our potter. All of us are the work of your hand.

Psalm 51:17 — The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.