I had such great intentions. How could I execute them so poorly?
It all started when a woman came to me after church and asked for money. She didn’t attend our church but would wait outside and approach people as they left. Right or wrong, my practice is to offer gift certificates for food or clothing which I keep in my car and share the location of our local homeless shelter if housing is the need. Money, after all, could be used for alcohol or drugs, two things I do not want to pay for. I offered the gift certificate. She wanted money. I declined.
The following week she waited again after church. We had the same conversation. Was she hungry? No. Did she need clothes? No. Did she need shelter? No. She needed money for a medical procedure.
Again I declined: two weeks, two requests. But this time, it was different. I could not stop thinking about the encounter. Scripture kept coming to my thoughts. I was feeling uncomfortable. “Lord, did I blow it? Did you want me to give her money?”
Being like Jesus
God reminded me of the words of Jesus as He told the parable of the Good Samaritan. Jesus didn’t suggest the Good Samaritan asked, “What did you do to deserve the beating?” (Luke 10:25-37) or in Matthew 25:31-46, Jesus didn’t imply that somebody should interrogate with questions like, “What did you do to deserve prison?” or “Why can’t you get your own cup of cold water?” In James 2:14-22 James doesn’t suggest that we first ask, “Can’t you get a job and buy the food and clothing for yourself?”
I was convicted. I prayed, “Lord if she is waiting outside the church this week, I will know it is your will and have cash available to give.” Guess what? For the third week in a row, there she was. Apparently, it was God’s will.
Obedient, but at what cost?
She was too far away to call her, so I quickly jumped in my car determined to follow God’s will and give her money. Cash in hand, I drove quickly to where she was. All good, right? Not exactly. As I was pulling into the parking space, another church member pulled in and got out to help her. “NO!! NO!! She’s mine,” I thought. I quickly jumped out and practically pushed him out of the way. I interrupted him as he talked with her. I explained that God told me I was to help her. Shocked, he stepped away. I gave her money and asked how I could pray for her. I laid my hands on her and prayed. Mission accomplished. But at what cost? Yes, I had followed the direction of God to give her money. I was obedient. She left satisfied. But I had done God’s will at the expense of hurting someone else.
As I drove away, I realized my intervention was rude, thoughtless, and prideful. It never occurred to me that perhaps God wanted both of us to minister to this woman and for both of us to pray for her. Maybe God wanted my brother in Jesus to be part of her provision. What made me think I was the only one who could or should minister to her? Instead of sharing this blessing of service, I robbed my brother of his portion.
By the time I got home, I was ashamed of my behavior. I had done the right thing in the wrong way.
Once home, I called my brother in Christ and apologized. I asked him to forgive me for my rudeness. As we talked, we laughed at our joint desire to help and my hyper-focus on following the will of God but not in the most Christian way. I imagine our heavenly Father was smiling and shaking His head at me as I sought to do His will but in a less-than-gracious manner.
I never saw the woman again.
Thanks be to God for His tender mercies and patience towards His children.
Blessings,
Personal Parables is the blog of Dyann Shepard. Get Dyann’s complementary study in Proverbs and prayer guide, What to Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough. If you need encouragement to remember the truth about yourself in times of doubt and anxiety, this free 5-day study is for you. Follow Dyann and Personal Parables on Instagram and Facebook. Dyann is available for speaking, guest blogging, and article writing.
Personal Parable Practices
- In my desire to do God’s will, have I deprived another from serving?
- Do I need to ask forgiveness from someone for not valuing their contribution to an act of service?
- When I see a need and have the resources to meet that need, do I ask for God’s direction before providing or declining to meet the need?
Prayer
Oh Lord, Thank you for your patience, your mercy and grace. Create in me your heart and spirit. Give me a gracious heart to serve and give. Reveal to me when I close my heart to a need instead of opening wide to give of my resources. Give me discernment to do and give at the right time and in the right way. Amen.
Scripture for Meditation
Hebrews 13:2 NIV – Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.
Music for Reflection
